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100 Days of Happiness: Day 11

Ryan Reynolds Fuck Me Sideways

Last night I had a grand revelation about dwelling on things.
I saw a Tweet that literally gave me a hard slap of reality.
Two weeks ago, I had an unfortunate experience of which I succumbed to and allowed it to be all-consuming of my mind. The reason I mention this at this point in time is not to further dwell on it, but to acknowledge it. And acknowledge it, I have. For two whole weeks and four days; day and night, every hour, every minute, every second. I have repeatedly gone over the situation, the lead up to the situation, the outcome of the situation, the could-haves, the should-haves, the would-haves, the could-dos, the might-dos and all the other never-ending gut wrenching possibilities and thoughts that take over your mind when something devastating happens. It has driven me BEYOND distraction, as my family and true friends know only too well.

This single Tweet read:

Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours

Michelle says NO

No no no no NO.
Every single person that I have spoken to over the past fortnight has told me to look out for myself. As I’m typing, I’ve just had a message from a good friend that reads: Really really do what you need to take care of yourself. And looking after myself I have not been doing! I allowed the demon of my ego to take over. And what an insidious little beast it was. Today is the day in which I realised, John, you are a fucking fantastic and brilliant person and see all this shit that’s happened? FUCK IT. Fuck. It. FUCK IT SIDEWAYS.
You do others and yourself absolutely no favours by failing to acknowledge your own gifts, talents, accomplishments and merits. Why should you shrink from your achievements? Fuck! You’ve EARNED it! Why focus on the non positive? When you point out the flaws, you reinforce a negative self-image and you heighten feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity. There are SO many things that we can and will encounter that will make us feel bad and there’s absolutely NO reason that we should do that to ourselves. Your role should be to protect yourself and build yourself up. It should NEVER be about allowing yourself to be broken down.

Today’s thing that makes me happy?
ME!!!
Because I am fucking fantastic!

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About johnmcblain

Scottish Musician, Artist & Lecturer! Alumni of University of the West of Scotland, Royal Conservatoire of Scotland and Stirling University. My First E.P. released Autumn 2017! Social Media: @johnmcblain

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