100 Days of Happiness: Day 9
I hate birds.
I hate flying things.
I hate flying birds that could actually peck you to death.
This image below sums up what goes through my head every time I have to walk past a pigeon or a seagull.
Today I had a rather unfortunate encounter with a bird.
Not even a flying bird.
Not even a live bird.
A dead bird.
On the fucking pavement.
There was me. Casually walking along in the rain. Watching my steps as I don’t exactly have a good track record of being able to walk when I’m kinda ill. The piece of melon that I slipped and fell over face first into the concourse in front of pedestrian rush hour is testament to that fact.
Moving swiftly on.
So there’s me walking down Queen Street, in the rain, turning onto Royal Exchange Square… GLASGOW for anyone non Scottish… I decides, in my infinite wisdom: OH JOHN JUST CHECK YOUR PHONE EVEN THOUGH IT IS PISHING DOWN WITH RAIN. So I checks my phone. It’s at that exact split second. That exact microsecond that I see this falling over situation happen in slow motion. I glance up from the phone… my eyes see the wet dead bird in my path… my feet don’t stop… my brain yells STOP JOHN FOR FUCK SAKE… my feet say NAHHHHHH… and then the inevitable happens. John ends up with one foot in the dead bird. Dead bird goes for a wee slide. John ends up on the fucking pavement. Brilliant. Fuck you bird. Fuck this day. I am done.
So why is this in my 100 Days of Happiness?
Well. I reckon when you’ve stepped in a dead bird and fallen the fuck over. Not much else can go wrong in that day!