Most of the time I am a very calm and collected individual.
Like this little guy:

Every so often something happens that makes me turn into one of these little guys:

We should all know the Mogwai rule:


No matter how cute they are…


The same rule applies to me and sleeping:

If anyone ever has the notion to wake me up after midnight unless there is an emergency or a death… then it would be wise to remember one tiny two letter word:

I’d like to share a story…

My working day starts at 4:30am. I have to get up and do a daily commute across Scotland on multiple public transport systems. Which, if you’re acquainted with me on Facebook and Twitter, you should  know that I just adore. I work hard at my job all day, then start the same journey in reverse when I finish work and usually get home around 7pm or 8pm. I do this daily routine most of the week and get paid accordingly for my time and expertise. I even managed to complete and pass a Master’s Degree while working full time hours in a job- not an easy feat by any means.

As you can imagine, when one is up and out the house travelling and working for about 16 hours on a daily basis, one may feel a tad tired. When one does it 5 days a week, one may be more than a tad tired when it gets to a Friday night. I can guarantee you of that. On the night of this story I felt pretty damn tired and cranky and unimpressed with everything.

There once upon a time was an era where I was able to burn the candle at both ends. I could go out and work then go socialise and have a good time. I turn 30 this year. I am getting old. I need my beauty sleep. I need a small nap even after a walk down the street. Long gone are the days of having an over active social life- give me a cup of tea and some trash TV and I’m happy.

So! Imagine the pleasure I got at 2:30am when my phone started ringing and buzzing like a god damn maniac. At that time of the morning I thought ‘aaaaarh… what’s going on…’ and struggled to find my phone in my zombie and semi- comatose like state.

Luckily, this was no emergency phone call. What it was, was a phone call from a someone who I haven’t spoken to in a small lifetime, who thought 2:30am was a good time to phone me in a drunken stupor.

I have no problem with friends phoning me and waking me up at stupid times but when it’s some fucking halfwit idiot who wakes me up, I take offence.

When it’s some halfwit idiot who has no job yet can afford to sit and get wasted practically every night of the week, I take even more offence.

When it’s someone who describes their employment status as ‘Full Time Mum At None’ then I really take offence. Full Time Mum At None is not and never will be employment and your benefits will never be classed as your ‘pay’.

Maybe instead of focussing on being a complete and total waste of skin who serves absolutely no purpose other than being a leech and a sponge, this person should put her efforts into more proactive activities that might actually benefit herself and family.

When she gets herself sorted out… I won’t hold my breath though as death would be guaranteed… this person still may not phone me at 2:30am.

I aim this directly to the person whom this story is involved: up until that point when you sort your sorry self out, don’t phone or text me again as I find you to be one of the most disgusting human beings I have ever had the misfortune of being in acquaintance with.

The End.


About johnmcblain

Scottish Musician, Artist and Lecturer in Music & Sound Production.

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