After two long, expensive, troublesome years…
I bid a final farewell to my iPhone 4.
On the morning of Sunday 10th June 2012, I awoke to find the poor thing drained of life, a blank, black screen staring at me from my bedroom floor. I had spent the Saturday out and about in Glasgow so I assumed that I had just forgotten to plug him in to charge his overused and overabused battery.
We’ve all been there… having every intention of charging your phone but falling asleep before you have the chance! Anyway… I woke up, saw him staring blankly at me and plugged him in, waiting on the wee silver apple to appear…But something else appeared- an iTunes logo and a USB logo… something wasn’t right here… panic set in… what’s going on… reset the phone… nothing… get up out of bed, run to the computer, get iTunes open, plug in the phone… surely iTunes can help me…surely the Apple Gods could tell me what went wrong?
After spending 6 hours frantically searching the web, phoning Apple Care, speaking to the alleged Geniuses at Apple and O2, watching video tutorials, crying, having an almighty tantrum and trying in sheer desperation to find out what went wrong, why he died, why nothing could be done to revive my iPhone… I admitted the inevitable… he was dead.
I wrapped him up (well, put it in my bag) and took him to the morgue (the Apple Store and O2 Shop in Glasgow) who both examined the body (plugged it into their computers) to perform a post mortem (the exact same FUCKING things I tried at home) and told me that he was dead to which I asked WHY!!! WHY DID HE DIE????!!! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHIIIIIIIING!!! You can imagine the emotional state of distress (absolutely incandescent with rage and frustration at these fools who call themselves Geniuses) that I was in.
Cause of death – ERROR 21. Stuck in recovery mode and cannot be reset, restored or fixed. No cure. That was it. The end.
Without reason or cause… the thing just died. If anyone tries to tell me that I dropped it on the floor, that I threw it at someone, that I downloaded something dodgy, that it was a software update, that it got water damaged, that it was a problem with the security software on the computer and that I should disable it and EVERY OTHER BIT OF SOFTWARE ON MY COMPUTER (this is what i was told over the phone) that iPhones just don’t die that they are the best phones ever lol xoxo… I will erupt into such a screaming, raging, volcanic tantrum that you will be reduced to tears. Just like all those other fools who were of no use to me in my hour of need.
So my iPhone is dead. I have made peace with the fact that my contacts, pictures, videos and apps are lost forever. I have made peace with the fact that there are conversations in that phone that will never be continued or ended. I am at peace with the memory of swiping that little slider to unlock the joys of caressing that slim, smooth, shiny body. I am gutted that I will never learn the fate of the Angry Birds. I am fine with not having to be locked into iTunes and Apple forever more. I am quite excited at the prospect of my new Samsung Galaxy Note and no longer being a slave to Apple!
I will see people with iPhones in the future, wearing their smug white headphones (why? they are crap!) and feel absolutely nothing but sympathy for them- for one day they may be cursed by the Error 21… at no fault of their own.
My iPhone has been placed in it’s best rubber protective case and has been laid to rest in the shoe box graveyard of phones gone by next to the many Nokia, Sony Ericcson and Samsung handsets of yesteryear while i await the delivery of my Saviour- the Samsung Galaxy Note.
iPhone… We had some good times, we had some bad times.
You knew my secrets, my passwords, my friends, my life.
But now it really is time to say goodbye.